Let me clear things up, first I have no problem with people who use screens, social media or anything for any reasons they might have. I’ll not preach here, to stop anyone for their screen use. This’s what’s worked for me, and like usual, I love to write down my experience when I jump into a new experiment. And this time, my 24/6 or tech sabbath experiment is worth documenting.
This year, in 2023, I decided to slow down my screen usage. Even before I started yoga, I was always on my screen, especially on instagram. I always have the urge to say something, to post, and scroll. My situation does not always go that intense, sometimes it’s just a casual scroll, a habit to post. But I had this feeling of deleting my post after I uploaded a few days, even a few hours. I thought it was normal, because everyone around me did that. But I don’t feel good.
YOU’RE NOT FEEL ENOUGH — AND YOU DON’T KNOW YOU HAS IT
Every strange feeling I take is a normal feeling, because everyone did it. After 6 years living in that loophole of, “Is this good? Is this aesthetic enough? Do I post too much?”. My mind is so busy after one post, then it grows to read other people’s comments, seeing how cruel people are, how they type without even considering the person’s feelings. The feeling becomes so random and I am not even sure if it’s normal or not and “what is normal anyway?”.
THE WORLD IS BUSY — AND MY HEAD IS BUSIER
Over thinkers can relate, the feeling of one comment we read, numbers of likes, number of views, can make our mind wonder about some probability in other people’s heads. In my case, when my boyfriend cheated on me, I started to visit his ex profile on instagram. It happened often in the early stages when I discovered the truth. Along the way, naturally it’s affected my self esteem. Sometimes I compare myself and feel inferior and sometimes to make myself better I start to make scenarios in my mind that made me superior to her.
I googled every feeling I experienced, “ask google they say”, and I did. There are times I think it helps, and other times I start self diagnosing. I can’t stand with more issues, and I start to turn off my news notifications. Because work with my personal issues is already hard I can’t stand for other things outside.
I DON’T FEEL REAL HUMAN INTERACTIONS — AND I MISS IT
I remember the old days, before the screen took over human interaction. We used to meet at one of our friends house, we always find a way to do something, cooking, coloring our nails, go for a walk in nature, drive for 30 minutes to the beach and jump into the ocean with our uniform on, or if not we just let ourselves bored and lay down in silence. We really don’t think about what others will think and naturally enjoy the moments.
Today, friends rarely come to your house, if they do, while you talk they’ll be busy checking the phone in the middle of the conversation. For me I hate it, I used to put blame on me, am I not give enough interesting topic, so they tried to find from clicked someone else stories during the conversations?
I DON’T THINK I CAN DO THE SELF BLAME AGAIN — I SET MY SPACE
Years go by and 2 months from now I’ll turn 28th. My privilege is that I have money to buy self help books, have time to evaluate my life and house to build my own space. From 3 or 4 years ago, the idea is built and I execute per baby steps. I start building myself from just eat healthy, go for a run. When the basic foundation was built, I started to try yoga. In 2021 I did yoga almost everyday (Sometimes Sunday break). I increased my level into an intense healthy morning routine in 2022. Then 2023 I start reducing social media used then lead me to a zero screen a day or I called “Tech Sabbath” for this I do it with my partner.
WORKING ON MYSELF NEED HUGE “COSTS”
What I did seems simple but a lot for me as an over-thinker, it’s not easy and it’s overwhelming. It cost time, energy, and money, not to mention the realization of FOMO, I didn’t know I had it until I looked deeper into myself.
Being not around, not accessible to everyone is hard sometimes but quiet and calming most of the time. I start to discover more about myself, who I am when no one is around, what I like, what I hate, what happens with my mind and body. I’m most of the time in the present moment.
DO ALL THE THINGS DOESN’T MEAN YOU WILL “LOVE YOURSELF EVERYDAY”
Being in the present moment, shows me that the earth is rotating. I know when I’m sad, angry, fearful, and happy. I know the feelings are there, and I know I’ll always find a way when things are hard, like I used to. Being In the present moment made me able to be creative, find new activities to do for myself. With human interactions, me and my partner discover small things to explore and can build our relationship with the best quality time. I discovered the happiness of being bored. I’m not asking people to make me happy by this or that, I deal with response. I let my ego fly away and let people live their life, I can’t control their past and it develops them as they are today. My boyfriend’s ex is probably just living her life, no reason for me to compete against her.
LIFE ISN’T ALWAYS GOES LIKE WHAT I WANT IT TO BE, BUT AT LEAST I CAN GUIDE MY OWN BOAT — THE VIEW IS NICE FROM HERE.